CLOUD - 9/14/95	BELIEVE - 9/30/95
Solitude & Fullfillment Tears & Extacy Overwhelming my mind Struggling to find direction, To come down from my cloud. Below there is only harsh realism, Only truth prevails there. The nusiance of truth The dilemia of reality Here your existance is perfection Your fantasies are lived with vivid images.... His arms slowly wrap around me, His lips gently touch mine.... Every word immaculate Oyr movements defy gravity Our bodies fit exactly Our souls are meshed Why stumble along below? In this world all is peaceful, All is good. Your every wish is granted Every trauma ends here Why can't I find the doorway out? Maybe there is no where to go Except into the endless void of my heart My ventures will end here In the safety of his arms And the sanctuary of my cloud. Overpowering my being Harmony & Discontent Love & Lust	There is truth in my words. Each syllable is from my heart. I know your fears, I experience them too. My heart finds it difficult to feel, but now it feels...for you. You have helped me more than you could ever know... I only wish that you would believe. You've reached me in a way that not many have. We are so close but really we are so far. There is such difference between us, and also so much the same. If I am crazy then commit me. I can't change what's inside, no one can. It has been a long, repetitive road traveled to get here. Every second is consumed by your name. My mind is distracted with thoughts of you. I see so much in you, I an show you if you would only let me in... If you would believe. Could I lie to you? I am too weak. You have the power. How can I make you believe? Hold me one more time, I will make you understand. Let me into the darkness. Darkness turns to light eventually... Let me shine the first light. It will all be worth it. All you have to do is believe Please, Believe....
CLOSER	THE GAP
Confusion compells my regression... Is this the part I was meant to play? Why hold back? Thoughts tumble through my head, Pushing to be set free. Yet I stay silent. This numbing quiet pierces my heart. When the silence is finally shattered every word instills fear in my heart and soul... Was silence the answer? Every word seems a step closer, Closer to what i strive to hide from... My darkest fear. This vicious cycle always ends the same... In a void. A bottomless decention to complete empitness. Every second is a struggle. No sliver lining can make it any better. Closer and closer to falling over te edge.. Should Ilet you in? Beyond the walls, Beyond the barriors. I know and I fear that I will, That i already have. The inevitable has happened... No turning back.. I'll take each step in stride, As i fall deeper.. And watch the edge grow closer.. Word by word Inch by inch Closer	This gap between us seems almost too huge to bridge... I will always remember all the times we shared, I just thought there would be many more. The laughs, the cries, the hugs, the love... It seems he's taken all that away, As if there's not enough room in your heart for two. Moving on is a way of life, But we always said we'd do it together. This distance is unbearable to me. Sometimes I feel so alone without you, incomplete. I miss every second. We used to mean so much to each other, And now we seem worlds apart. I love you and always will. Only together, in time, can we bridge this distance, This gap.
THE VOICE IN THE DARK	VIRTUAL REALITY- 7/29/97
The voice in the dark pulls me in. With every word I grow closer I know this distance is is far Yet I allow myself to take another step closer. Even in my sleep I hear the voice, It echos through my body. It touches my soul... I wish I could reach the voice, And yet I want to run from it. The agony of decision has torn me apart. To reach it would be heaven, But to find heaven could be hell. Why won't you leave my mind? Your sweet sounds are like music to my ears, yet even music has its sour notes. When did reality step away? How do i bring it back? I fear I never will. I hope one day soon to find the soul behind the voice, To discover if the voice and the soul are one in the same. Until then i will just listen and wonder To the voice in the dark.....	You're voice carries me through the long nights, All you words echo in my head. each day that passes means I'm closer to you, All I need is to get through today. Tommorow will bring me closer to your embrace, Where I long to be. it all seems so impossible, But in my heart I know you are real. And when you're arms reach around me, I will finally have found heaven. Until then Time stands still Yet the world goes by. As I sit and wonder my thoughts turn to you. You're so far away Yet so close to my heart. Lasting through time Muddling through going the distance So I can one day reach out to you. To be so loved and so alone seems crazy. Yet without your love i feel alone. But my heart feels you as if your arms were wrapped around me....
LOVE FROM AFAR	IN LOVE - 1999
Love up close Love from a far Fells all the same to me My heart feels you all the same To know you are out there, loving me To know you can feel my love across the miles Makes it easier to go on. The thought of your smile, Brightens up my darkest moment The look of love in your eyes, Melts my soul. The warm feeling of your hand tangling with mine... The chills I get from your arms wrapping around me... The tingle from the each touch of your lips... All this makes me feel alive again. The heaven I feel when I'm with you is indescribable The picture of you in my mind will stay forever. I can see so clearly... Your dark eyes Your strong hands Your dark skin I can still taste your sweet lips I can feel your soft hair beneath my fingertips I would take a million risks, Do whatever it takes To feel you hold me again... In your arms is where I was meant to be Love up close Love from a far My heart feels you all the same.	In Love With the wrong ideals With the wrong embrace With the wrong face Wrong, Misunderstood, Backwards Twisted Love Love from the source, From the depths Deep, Real, Thick Falling further into infinity Your infinity Your embrace In Love with love So deep I can't break free Stuck in a orld with blinders on Only You, Only Love
RELIEF - 6/14/99	BURST - 6/14/99
Can't close my eyes Can't make a fist Struggling just to move Not able to breathe Needing one glance, One Touch To know it's alright I can't feel my heart I'm pushing to keep it from breaking Holding the pieces together I can feel your arms around me I can taste your lips on mine I can't stop shaking, I can't stop this fear There is a gap inside me-you fill it You make me what I am I need you to fill the gap I want you to touch me, to lay down and feel your skin against mine Your embrace is my sanctuary Your love is my inspiration Nothing can supress this feeling, the spinning, twirling A twister inside me, Shaking that never ends Heavy breathing, Wet eyes, Pounding Heart, Pulsing veins Relieve Me, Love Me, Stop This pain.	Swelled Eyes Heart beating all around me In this bubble Consumed by fear Burst the bubble I'm drowning in my tears Suffocating with every beat of my heart Clenching my fists, Struggling To burst this bubble Only you can set me free Only you - sitting there, shut down, silent Looking in at the sea of tears welling up in this bubble You can't hear my cries You only hear the screams in your head, suffocating you Just scream out loud! Burst my bubble and stiffle the screams in your head! Just ONE yell! It can work, it has to Please don't let me drown Im running out of room, trembling, shaking Unable to move, to think You, thats all i see Burst This Bubble!
ROSES - 2/17/2000	ANGRY THOUGHTS - 3/17/2000
Gazing at the soft petals I can see the tears well up in your eyes The sweet smell makes me sigh and think of you Of howu care, unconditionally I watch the roses bloom as I have watched you bloom You, with so many layers, so many petals of yourself The good, the bad, frustration, fear and devotion All gently unravelling before my eyes I wish I could keep your petals from falling and wilting If I could wrap my arms around you and make your pain realease, I Would! Your delicate silky petals make my heart wilt The softness will prevail Even in the oh so tainted petals The center in you is pure and sweet Love, coursing through your veins will guide you, enlighten you. Will take you where you belong	Gorging out your dripping heart with a force of infinite strength... Oh the ache of a wounded heart, So harsh yet so quiet As if every were a strain on every muscle in the body Each palpitation contributing to life's lonely rythum Your very existance causing torment on your soul Striving in darkness on a pathway with no end trying to break free Walking knee deep in scattered blood and lies Inescapable screams echoing all around.
BITTER - 5/26/2000	THE FLAME - 8/1/2000
When did I become so bitter? Unable to connect to everyday things, not wanting much Clinging to the few good moments, throwing away the rest Suffering in silence, more than anyone can see Why be a burden? We all have problems We all seem to strive When do I get a break? So little to look forward to in thsi twisted life So many things seem surreal Can this actually be my life? Never turing in the expected direction Is this something i should set stake in? Somehow I elive i should I wake each day in hopes that the bitterness subsides... Even if only a little bit	I know I should run Get as far away as my feet will take me The heat chases me, drawing me back to the same spot I feel an uncontrollable force It pierces my flesh, reching into my core I give in, I have to, I stay I allow the heat, in it's almighty power, to engulf me It forces me to expose everything I try to hide I am burned The pain doesn't exist in me I have become the pain, the passion, the lust, the happiness, the saddness. I have become all I'd hoped I wouldn't I succumb to the flame
PLEASURES - 2001	REASONS - 10/31/2001
Flesh on flesh, Flesh in flesh Addicted to the feeling Perspiration beads up and drips from every pore Gentle fingertips gliding over warm skin Wet lips interlocking Hot, Sticky, Sweaty bodies meshing into one Tossing and Turning, Grabbing and Pulling Letting the passion take over Giving in to the pleasures Like a wave washing over you Sweet nibbles on a glistening neck Sending shivers up and down your spine Feeling dizzy with lust, Drunk with longing Wanting to feel hands passing over every inch of your body Hearing your moans makes my heart beat faster and my breath get heavier The heat between us escalates Higher and higher, Longer and wetter We loose control The addiction takes over Our bodies entangled, tingling A warm embrace	Dark hazy reasons, for everything In this madness we call existance Every moment has led me here Yet I question it all The answers are never clear yet we all move on, we allow time to pass by More questions pile up forming a thick wall behind us Unable to grasp at true destiny.. Striving towards something we don't know is really there Every path seems correct Until that rare second of clarity Then everything is topsy turvy again Chatotic Confusion The reasons, once again, remain unclear.
FORBIDDEN HEAT - 4/11/02	KNOWING - 4/21/2002
Surrounded by sweet, dark heat It sears yet it comforts So clear, so real and so distant all at the same time Awoken confidences Things seemed so bleak Then like s shot of lightning The feeling poured in New gates opened No turning back now Yet holding it all back Creeping to the surface These uncontrollable bursts Mere words can stir A touch could drive you insane Will it be the same ever again? Things have been altered, shifted and put into new perspective The fear plays a role Yet your drawn into the flames Tempted by the force Reaching out Searching for something that fits, that compliments Focused on the heat Surrounded by sweet, dark heat	The intensity stabs at me I just didn't know Reality kicked in Distance was almost gained I sat back, fear striken As grains of hope passed through my grip I yearn, I need I want answers, guarantees I just didn't know The risk is enormous Will I Leap? I already have Further than safety's distance Intensity running rampant Overwelming emotions I just didn't know I'd like the intensity to wash me away Completion being the ultimate Will it weather? Only time will tell Time I don't wish to loose I'm intriqued, drawn towards you I just didn't know Until that moment Until the tears came flooding, for you Now I Know

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